Honestly…

I’ve got to say, it was a bummer to hear. Yesterday’s appointment with one of the smartest PA’s I’ve ever met was… well.. discouraging. Once again I’m staring down the gauntlet of tests, specialists and lots of meds with nasty side effects. I’m thankful it’s not worse. And I’m taking it all in stride. Who knows how it’ll all pan out. Well, I know Who.

In the meantime, wandering the wilderness of Waiting, I may have to leave my job. I love my job. I love my co-workers, my bosses, my company. They’ve been only good to me, and I’ve done my best to give them my all. Sigh… There’s just not anything to give right now.

Facing the possibility of losing a strong connection to the outside world, let alone the income, is a sad prospect. “I’m a maker! I’ll make my little heart out, sell what I can- maybe that’ll lead somewhere.” Of course, that’s always been my dream- to have a small creative business out of my home studio. But then I remember that I can’t move my painful joints very well. I’m chained to the couch with debilitating fatigue. My brain is struggling at times with the simplest things. There’s not a lot this girl can do.

It won’t last forever, I’m sure.But for those of you who are knocked down by auto-immune disease, how do you cope? What do you to pass the time, and distract from the pain? What keeps you moving forward?

My lifelines at the moment~ intentionally abiding in the One who holds my life, doing what I can, and creating what I can. And ultimately, choosing rest and waiting.

~m

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2 comments

  1. Big question.
    I can’t really work much anymore, which leaves a lot of time. Weirdly, it got better when I stopped thinking about it as “something that will pass.” I don’t know that it will. This may be it – and that has become ok. It is what it is, you know? But waiting for it to pass was setting up this sense that I was in a waiting room: like I didn’t need to create a current reality of joy for myself.

    I take care of myself, my husband, I read constantly. I reach out to friends. I have found friends with similar issues (because truly, others don’t understand, even if they try, and that just becomes frustrating). I do my crafting. I cook and bake when I can, something that has always brought me joy. My life is slower. I am slower. Sometimes I get depressed about it, but it passes.

    Oh, and I see a shrink. That totally helps. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hmmm. Good words. This doesn’t seem to be passing, & I know someday it won’t. You give some good advice.

      Like

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